Valakas Story system requirements
Minimum:
- OS: Windows /7/8/10
- Processor: Quad-core Intel or AMD, 2.5 GHz or faster
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Graphics: NVIDIA GeForce 470 GTX or AMD Radeon 6870 HD series card or higher
- DirectX: Version 9.0
- Storage: 19 GB available space
- Sound Card: DirectX Compatible Sound Card with latest drivers
- Additional Notes: It is advisable to use ssd
Recommended:
- OS: Windows /7/8/10
- Processor: AMD Ryzen 7 or intel core i7
- Memory: 8 GB RAM
- Graphics: Nvidia geforce gtx 1050Ti or AMD Radeon RX 590
- DirectX: Version 9.0
- Storage: 19 GB available space
- Sound Card: DirectX Compatible Sound Card with latest drivers
- Additional Notes: It is advisable to use ssd
WELL IF YOU DON'T MANUAL SAVE I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS BEARS FOR YOU CAW CAW
IT'S LIKE SEEING WHAT THE DID TO LEON IN THE NEW RESIDENT EVIL MOVIE CAW CAW. GODFREY HO WOULD HAVE HAD BETTER CHARACTER PROGRESSION THAN THIS CAW CAW
I just finished the game, played all missions and the main story, which is very original, emotional, and exciting. Valakas, the main character, is very engaging; you see a dystopian world, its thugs, its people, through his eyes as you travel across the Russian cities & countrysides. You can feel his anger, his compassion, his desire to save the beloved granddaughter of his.
Combat is really cool and soulslike. I never got tired of fighting bad guys.
This is one of the best games I have ever played. I can't wait for a sequel.
developers should die on crack
the true valakas story was the friends along the way
Very good game. Good combat aspect and few bug. The ending is unexpected. Highly recommend!
очень хороший сюжет и хочеца питци
Okay...clearly this game isn't meant for me. I'm american. I think this is russian. I honestly don't know. And even for its 2$ asking price, this game isn't worth it. The candy bar you could buy instead would be much more enjoyable. Don't believe me? Then check out my first impressions video (link below). At first I thought this game was hilarious. But as I played more and more it just started to drain on me and my patience. Even for that low of a price, just don't bother unless you want a ridiculously hard game but with some comedy and poor graphics and sounds. Also if you find like 2 bucks in change just hanging around your house and you want to waste it on something pointless. Thanks for reading. Have a good day!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpwh9xFQmL0&feature=youtu.be
Problem 1, I have no clue what he says
Problem 2, damn I cant even win first fight
cykablyat!!
This game is an absolute amazingly fun game for the price. You really don't need to know any Russian at all, although if you do it makes the dialogue that much more funny and interesting. I highly recommend this game if you are someone who enjoys strange humor like in Postal, but want a Russian fighting version of it.
Love this game, although it is very hard. Would be a massive hit if the bugs were resolved and the game polished a bit. Probably make millions
If forsen sees this, vi von ZULUL and he has to play my summer car
PLEASE gives us complete subtitles!
Edit: Almost 2 years later and it saddens me that those of us who are not native speakers still don't get any immersive subtitles.
not bad but the game has many bugs and need better subs
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!! Wow, this game was such a treat and is absolutely hilarious. The characters are so endearing to me and I nearly died laughing at some parts. My friend and I took turns on this game until we fully beat it over our college break! We both speak English and don't understand Russian, which only made it funnier to try and understand the context of what was occurring.
Without spoilers, the only thing I can say is that the ending left my friend and I wanting nothing but more of this game!!! Please make a sequel to this game, as it is pure comedic art!!!
The devs made as a joke even the performance and loading screen to take forever.
Smieklīga un dīvaina spēle. Ļoti daudz bagi,visus bosus nogalināju tikai pateicoties tam ka viņi iestrēga pikseļos. :D Bet ja piever uz to acis tad vienreiz var iziet.
I haven't gotten very far into, I bought about a month ago when it went on sale, but from what I have seen it has a lot of good content, kinda crazy to it's fun and challenging, the graphics are pretty good, and it'll have you scratching your head at times, I have no dislikes or complaints from what I have seen, and I hope this game continues to progress years from now.
Really intresting story and gameplay, but, the game balance and mechanics are poorly structured, so, unless you use cheat engine, the minibosses are nearly to impossible, both the player and the bosses have the healt regeneration, but 100 vs 500 hp and at least 50 full hit vs 1 shot are too much in normal difficulty, and the savefiles are really messy, you can save, but, if you touch a npc and it get triggered, it continues to be triggered even after restarting from a previus savefile.
Buy only in sale season and at least if you know basic russian...
It's quite good. Really hard game
Ты и я и я и ты грязные животные так что пусть творят разврат жопы наши потные
Could be fun, but requires tons of optimization. Lack of saves and constant crashes make it feel like an extremely punishing roguelike in a Russian village. But, then, that's what life in Russian village actually looks like, as of 2020.
This game is an insult to the Unreal 4 engine.
It plays like a$$, controls are a$$, movement is a$$, camera is a$$, music is a$$.
Voices sound like someone recorded them in a submarine.
This is some sort of Russian GTA joke someone coded while taking a dump??
HOW CAN THIS GAME GET VERY POSITIVE REVIEWS?
It's just..SO BAD!
Like not even in a funny way!
HOW DOES THIS EXIST!
VAI A PONGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
This game... It's so bad, that it is so good!
Learning curve is HUGE if you don't understand russian
Oh boy, what did I had FUN with this game! The humor is outstanding! Especially that poophouse, oh my god, I laughed so hard, it left me a splitting headache! :D
Definately you need to play this game in the highest setting, graphical settings are extremely sensitive, like high setting is still crap but less laggy, but ULTRA gives the best results!
Now for the game itself... It's so bad... Soooo badddd!!! But it went over the edge of absolute badness that it becomes so frickin' good!!! How to explain this... You got a bag with turds and a bag with eggs, throw both at a wall as hard as you can. If you still don't get it, then I don't know how to explain it!! Just buy this game and find it out yourself!
Physical combat with hulkish explosions! At first, I was using the physical arts of combat against the enemy and it got me killed over and over and over. Untill, well, didn't know what it was, but I tried the special abilities. Like an overdrive or something? That helped me through a large portion of the game. There is a story being told but the english translation is not covering everything. That is sad, because I would love to know what Valakas was telling to the boy. The only thing I can think of is that he told him that he got bullied too when he was as young as the boy.
Man, the situations Valakas get into, but the story is great and there is quite some ground to overcome, lots of interactivities, lots of quests, lots of story telling, lots of street fighting, lots of absurdities...
This game is a challenge of it's own for you to experience as well! It's also extremely hillarious! I recommend it ofcoarse! OFCOARSE!!! This is a GEM that cannot be understood why... It's like a baby that tries out the first time a sour lemon and pulls this disgusted face, but still puts it back in its mouth over and over...
It's so incredibly bad that it's actually.. sorta good. I really don't know how to explain it, but right now it's 51 cents - and I'm telling you it's worth the weird acid trip. Everything about it is a complete mess and the game is just absurd verbal diarrhea, but it's amusing sometimes and I can't stop playing it. You're gonna have a severely difficult time playing it if you don't know the tricks to winning fights:
Firstly: Use key 1 for your war cry before each battle. It will boost your AP ALOT so that winning fights is actually possible - otherwise, don't even bother fighting.
Second, try to quarantine off baddies one at a time so you're not overwhelmed (hint: they can't open gates).
Third, save after every single fight possible, because you'll likely die often.
It is the story of Vadim Blyat. Game is made on a Commodore64. It feels like Memz virus took over your PC and its playing Garry's Mode. I don't know what to say. I had too much expectations for a 15.5gb game. Fights are too boring with impossible regen of guys. Other than that its like a walking simulator.
ok the game is absolute trash dont even think to realy playing it after u open this game u pc get slow soo after i check the task manager it was absolutly insane cpu memory and disk was 100% in use i never see my pc in this situation
[Combat is bad- the character's voice act is loud not balanced ]
game's size 15 GB unbelievable with this kind of game !!!!!!!!
• i didn't like it
• i didn't enjoy it
• i didn't expect that
• i couldn't play it longer
• i'll request refund for that
• i'd like to take snickers rather than this :)
......
i had 23 roubles in my bank account and i saw the game and taught it was a good invest. i got a good time while playing like Mister Valakas. graphic is good like dark sol 3. first level hard veri but i download from zamunda and play offline 5 days.
buy
For 3.29€, very good and fun game.
Pretty impressive considering the game was created by one person.
Few downsides:
- English subtitles are in some places terrible
- Before last boss fight, monsters were killing me with a single hit, not sure if bug or intended. Extremely annoying regardless
- In boss fights, explosives were sometimes barely visible, or completely invisible. Impossible to avoid if explosives aren't visible
so first of all i want to say that i am in fact a mexican (yes i am actually a mexican) and i gotta say, for a game this cheap, it SUCKS BALLS LMAOOOO. YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT HUH???!!!?? HAHAHAHA YOU JUST GOT PAPAPAPA-PRANKED BABYYYYYY WHOOOOOSH WHOOSH WHOOOOOOOSH LIKE ITS 69' MOTHERFRICKERSSSSSSS. HAHA POOP.
Funny moments and good graphics but shit gameplay and balance. This is Dark Souls but Russian, buggy, and vodka.
This game is the worst crap I've ever played. Nothing works, the programming is a joke and it's impossible to understand
This is what was Niko doing before GTA IV. Best game.
Not meant for those who doesnt speak Putin. I speak some Vodka and thats kinda like Putin, but it didnt help me here. Iwas totally lost even with Vodka.
good game best triple a game combat is best i have ever seen it sexy and the strory is good i kill the russian cunts and win game is good
really cool game i like the fighting just the voice acting and the story i don't get it and why valakas is loud as fuck
Russian Sekiro. Bosses could use less health. The last one I did required doing the same sequence 20-25 times in a row because they had 5000 health and I could do about 200 damage to them at a time. Other than that, it's a delightful shitshow.
My #1 tip is to just check the options for the controls. Q for lock-on, 1 improves health regen, I don't know if 2 does anything, 3 is an attack that moves you forward and 4 is a presumably heavier one where you're rooted in place. I haven't figured out the point of throwing vodka bottles because they don't seem to do damage, but I did find one point where I could have stealth killed an enemy, so it's possible they're intended to distract foes.
The first 'real' boss isn't until the second zone.
After beating it:
This is a good example of steam reviews being based on expectations vs reality, and this game exceeded my, and presumably other people's expectations especially based on the price.
How do you even pass the first four thugs when you leave your house? You have no weapon and this guy is so much of a wimp when one of the thugs kicks him, he dies, no re-spawn, you have to load a game if you were lucky enough to save it or you start a new one? You need to fix this game man! This could be a decent game but it needs fixing, please fix it so you can re-spawn.
Fucking piecie of garbage dont recommend it. >:(
I learned all the Russian vocabulary.
эта игра странная
I Don't like it trash game and there is bug in every Frame in the game
I hope your game to be better
The amount of effort put into this game is incredible for the apparently single developer. I have to recommend this. It has many flaws, but most of my complaints are the random difficulty spikes.
First off, I could not reset the language for English no matter how many times I went to the options page. I also could not configure the keyboard. I could have lived with the annoying keyboard, but I cannot understand Russian, which is a deal-breaker. It's too late to get my money back , so I'm just going to delete. it.
The greatest game you can get.
Anyone who disagrees is just bad and couldn't beat the sewer boss.
Unlike you, I'm just a god gamer.
and for those who like haikus:
The best game ever.
If you disagree, you suck.
Valakas Story.
This could be a cheap little fun game if they atleast would have put any effort into it. I guess it's still could be fun if your fluent in russian or don't care about the worst writing ever... "rimember" to name just one example for that but overall a 5 year old could've done better. This also regualury conflicts with the story, as example Quest : Go get Vodka ; you get to the shop and have to buy beer then suddenly the npc always wanted beer... Also pretty annoying that you get half of a sentence of subtitels but the NPC talk for atleast 3 mins ( Again, i barely understand russian so not sure but it feels like they tell you way more then whatever half of sentence you get as subtitels) and most cutscenes aren't skippeable even if seen before. Not mentioning the few game breaking bugs you will encouter - like quest npc not being able to be spoken to couse why not and falling through the ground but luckily there's a safe point every 5meters so thats not as bad as it could be. As the game is right now i wouldn't recommend buying it - definitly not for full price but even on sale for like 40 cents , not worth it.
very good game, i wish there were better subtitles, but it is a great story
Half a bottle of vodka is required to beat the first level, but I still have not given up!
I think we should all take a lesson from the dedication with which Valakas threw himself into danger to save his granddaughter. Truly inspirational, many a tear was shed at the emotional conclusion to the Valakas saga.
11/10.
Very bad controls , too difficult , annoying shouts that will blow your ears when playing on headphones , waste of money and drive space
Oh boy,
This game... I don't even know how to describe it. To be honest, it was kind of refreshing, at least for me. See I typically play serious story games because I just adore a good story. This game however, is a meme wrapped in a game, and yet it's actually good as a game xD. Honestly, the combat in this game is surprisingly fun and the fact that this game was made by one person is pretty darn impressive, mostly considering the amount of content in here (this game took me about 7 hours to beat)
The story is hilarious and absolutely doesn't take itself seriously, the characters are unique and funny, the voice acting is hilariously exaggerated (though it is in Russian), each boss battle is unique and absolutely hilarious in their own way, the enemy variety is pretty darn good, the variety in environment (and sometimes scale) is quite impressive and keeps things pretty fresh, and the game itself has a lot of content for a game made by one dev and listed for only 5 bucks CAD (and often goes on sale for literally 60 cents), It's actually insane.
Alright, so I've been talking all pros so far but this game still has a lot of issues. One of the major ones is that it is pretty grindy and if you're really not into the combat system, you might get bored as it does make up about half of the content and the rest of the content involves fetch quest type stuff and some platforming. Speaking of the fetch quests in this game, some of them were really annoying and needlessly lengthy. However, these are few and far between. Another issue I had with some of the quests is that I often had no idea where to go, sometimes the game does a bit of a poor job in helping you find out where to go and I found myself sometimes circling the map 2-3 times to finally find the place I had to go to in order to advance the story (and no, it's not a feature but honestly just poor level design). I did also run into a few glitches here and there and it did crash once or twice so do keep that in mind.
Overall, if you can look past the grindiness, some of the navigation issues, and the (albeit seldom) glitches, there's a lot of fun to be had here. And the fact that it's created by one guy is pretty impressive.
I'd give this game a solid 7.5/10
Valakas is a very interesting game with a lot to learn from
soo fun and nice game . good for free time
ijjathi vedala game. but oruthan ottakk undakkiyathanu. so, nice
One of the best game what ever made by humanity, 100% this is GOTY of 2019, not a Sekiro.
Poor man's russian GTA.
It's clunky, weird and poorly optimized. But it's also amusing in its own way. I have a feeling this is one of those games that plays fantastically while you're high.
ХТО Я ТВАЪР А МОЕЗТ БЫЬТЬ ТЫИ????????
Игра дерьмо, даже для мем игры. Много багов, сюжет завязан чисто на драках, здоровье пополняется хер пойми как, а удары противников сравнимы с ударами Мухамеда Али. Говно полное крч
I have played a lot of bad games, but this game is at the top of the list. The enemies either regenerate health too quickly or they are overpowered. If there are more than 3 enemies, consider yourself a loser. I've only managed to get far in the game by fighting enemies behind fences. Also, there's no way to know how to continue the story. I usually enjoy meme games, but this is complete trash.
I've to say that I was only searching for a game under 1,00$ to spend my time, and when I saw this game I was like... Holy shit!... Haha, wtf is this?, the trailer was horrible, and at the same time funny so I decided to buy it.
Now I already finish the story and already complete all the achievements, I'm able to make a review of this "weird awful masterpiece"
Story: The story is complicated to explain, almost for me, because I don't speak Russian so I just understand the parts that were translated (That are like the 70% of all the conversations). The story is a rescue mission in which you have to save the grand Daughter of the main character, you will have to make favors to the side characters to be able to find the clues to get to her.
Game play: The controls are simple, easy to understand. The fights seems like they want to be like I beat them up in third person, but is complicated at the moment in which the game forces you to fight with a huge amount of enemies. You have the option to use an especial abilities that can help you in the fight, but there is one in which you through a bottle that is useless, I never used it in the entire game, it doesn't make damage and the time in which the enemy goes dumb is too short. The time to kill of you and your enemies is broken, they sometimes kill you with an amount of 6 punches and other times they kill you with 3 or even 2 punches.
I have to say that I like how the game threat you when you have to search for the information, is not like some other games in which the developer think that you have some mental issue and always guide you, this game literally throw you away in the town and... "Okay mother fucker, try to guess where you have to go now".
Side Missions: No comment, the majority of the stories of the side mission character don't have a conclusion so... Meh.
Bosses: The Bosses are hilarious, the introduction scene of each one make me laugh so much, I was like "Haha, WTF! is that shit" I'm still in an internal strife with my self to decided which is the most funny boss of the game. Now let's talk about just the way in which you have to beat them, first all the bosses fights are unfair, like the normal enemy, some times they make you a one shot and some times they kill you with 4 or 5 hits, they artificial intelligence is broken, the majority of the bosses in my first play through got stock and I was just hit them until the life bar goes down. For that reason I have to say that the bosses fights are funny to see, but when you are the one who is playing it turns annoying.
Exploration: The game give you the option to explore the small places in which valakas is passing, but in the 80% of the places there is nothing to do and see, so that is one weakness of the game.
In conclusion I have to say that the animation stile is very funny, it have a lot of personality, literally for some reason when I was watching some memes on Instagram, I found a comparison that says, even this game side characters have more personality than the Cyberpunk an immediately say: "Hey, that's the crazy fat mother of the sad kid that you help in Valakas story"
In conclusion if you want to know if this game cost it price I would say "No", for the same price you can buy the first two fallout games and far cry 2, but if you found this game with the steam discount I will say "Fuck it, why not?"
I really enjoy this game it was a new experience, Narko games really knows how to use the unreal engine 4 or 5, I don't remember, but the graphics are amazing.
Gameplay: 3/10
Bosses: 3/10
Story: 3/10
Side missions: 2/10
Main character: 10/10 (Full charisma)
Final conclusion... Valakas Story: 10 out of 10
Oddly enjoyable combat/Slav simulator with amazing dialogue though some of it remains untranslated. Fuck that final boss though.
A game that reflects the low intelligence of russians and their rotten world. I thought it was a meme game, as a separate genre of games. But it turned out to be just complete nonsense, absurdity, a disgrace and vomit.
S.M.E.R.T.E.L.N.A.Y.A. P.R.E.M.O.N.I.T.S.I.Y.A.
This game is a bit heavy on my PC, even though I've done the lowest setting. But it's still my fault, this game is still a good game to play.
Troll,meme game.. Very buggy, hilarious,bad,good...
Combat in this game is funny. Usuallly these ultra cheap games are just bad, but this is actually pretty good. Boss battle difficulty is Dark Souls alike or even harder.
0,42 € price tag i totally recommend this.
This game is a life changing experience. Its deep story and dialogues (with the magazin cashier, for example) will make you think about life and its mysteries.
Recomment to friends and family, kids included.
KUSHAT KUSHAT
Very addicting game.
I advise.